Sub-Fertile will not mean Sub-Joy

I went to the doctor Monday to see why our experience trying to conceive this time has been so much different than our last experience.  Last time it took us 2 tries to get pregnant, which I now have an even great appreciation for how quick this was.

The doctor has referred to me as “sub-fertile” possibly due to the fact that I have hyperthyroidism.  We will be doing tests this month and next to better understand what is going on. 

This may as well be the story of my life. 

In all things I have ever attempted, I have always come out “subpar.”  My soccer team in high school got to the state finals and lost the first round.  Consoling bystanders would offer sentiments like, “Well you should be happy, you made it this far!” 

 

I came up 1 point short of scholarship money for my ACT score, even after taking it three times. “Well, you should be happy, that’s still a great score!”  

My business as an artist has come to a screeching halt after being offered a licensing contract, only because I can’t afford the canvases, materials and shipping costs it would take to get the initial scanning for the catalogues. “Well, you should be happy, you were offered the contract!”  

So my dream of having a large family?  “Well, you should be happy, at least you have one child.”

I’m so tired of, “well you should be happy…”  No one would ever say, “Well you should be happy, you’re subpar!” 

At the same time I think, joy in life is mostly about comparison and it is my choice to decide to be happy or not.  If I compare myself to those close to me who have been the best at absolutely everything they have ever put their mind to, earned plenty of money and on top of all that have been blessed with easy pregnancies and many beautiful children. I will be unhappy.     

If I compare myself to those in Africa who have nothing, who are in war-torn countries just trying to survive, then I will be overwhelmed with the joy in my life. 

In my heart, I KNOW this is what I must do to keep Satan from stealing my joy.  The trick is actually doing what I know I should.  I pray I will not be “subpar” at being joyful.